Hi Xcitable X Factor Lovelies!
This week on X Factor it was Big Band week and woe betide anyone who didn’t follow the rules: Louis was ready to witter on about it all night. “AT LEAST HE SANG A BIG BAND SONG”. Awesome smack down, Louis. Simon looked really intimidated.
No one likes Big Band week. It’s boring. Thank God for John and Edward. Michael Buboring was also on hand to offer his pearls of wisdom and then he did a robotic little dance for everyone on Sunday. Here’s what they all sang, try not to lose the will to live...
Rachel “I’ve stolen Stacey’s personality” Adedji (there’s a chance I spelt that wrong) sang Proud Mary. Then she went mental after her comments. I wanted Dermot to slap her. He didn’t. Sad times.
Stacey sang an emotional... Scratch that... BORING performance of Wish Upon a Star. That’s Disney, not big band, Stace. Still, nice girl.
Lucie sang Funny Valentine, which was really good. Shame she’s Welsh. Yeah, I said it.
Joe sang Sway. Everyone loves him and his stupid teeth now. Can no one see he’s a massive cheese-fest of horror? He’s a young Cliff Richard. No good can come of this. The time to act is now, people. Get rid of him!
Lloyd did Fly Me to the Moon. When is someone going to point out that Lloyd can’t actually sing? Yeah, he has dreamy eyes but THAT DOESN’T PAY THE BILLS, LLOYD.
Danyl sang Feeling Good. It was pretty good despite him being an epic twonk.
Jamie Ego sang a U2 song. Double thumbs down in the taste stakes, dudes. This song choice incensed our little Irish judge A LOT. Shut the hell up, Louis – no one cares. I can’t wait to see Ego’s face when he gets kicked off.
Olly Murrs – the best Essex export since Lucy Dowling sang Bewitched.
Miss Frank sang That’s Life. It was way better than anything they’d done before. Even the middle one looked good – that is no mean feat by the costume department.
John and Edward did She Bangs. No one had any idea what that had to do with Big Band (Louis didn’t complain though... Double standards there, Walshy), but it didn’t matter – they were in garish suits! YAY!!!! It wasn’t as good as their Britters tribute last week, but still much more exciting than the rest of the competitors put together.
Miss Frank and Danyl were in the sing off. Both “acts” performed pretty well on Saturday, so that was unfortunate. Danyl sang Little Help From My Friends, aka the theme tune from the Wonder Years – woo yeah! Anyone with me? No? OK. Miss Frank sang Love Don’t Live Here Anymore – and they were right, as they were kicked out! Shame it wasn’t Jamie Afro, but there’s always next week. That means we say goodbye to Leelingman – you’re all familiar with that scenario as they all sodded off elsewhere anyway. I KID!
STILL IN THE RUNNING:
Marts - John & Edward
Neil - Jamie Afro
Hans – Joe
Mark – Lloyd
Zoë – Lucie
Natalie – Stacey
Phil – Rachel
Matt – Danyl
Rona – Olly
Until next week, Z-Factor is signing off...