Wednesday, 21 October 2009

X Factor Week Two

Hi X Factor Types!

So, it's only week two and we've already been put through the emotional wringer. This week was DIVA week, and boy oh boy did X Factor deliver!

Firstly, let's take a moment to remember Whitney Houston's performance - not the song, per se, as she mimed most of that. But she led by example on the diva act score. The look in Dermy's eyes as he interviewed her was of ONE MILLION PER CENT terror. Brilliant. To be a contributor to X Factor this year you apparently have to be coked off your face whilst claiming you've beaten your demons. Perfect reference from Derms about Whitters not "pulling any punches" - sly Bobby Brown dig? The man is a genius, even if he has sold his soul.

In other news, Cheryl Cole also performed "live". It was pretty good - she wore a hat with a larger circumference than the rings of Saturn. Ashley Cheaty Cole was there to support his wife or eye up the Twins. One of the two.

Here's what the contestants sang...

Rachel sang 'If I Were a Boy'. Poor love.

Stacey wore a bad dress and sang 'At Last'. She got mixed reviews.

Lucie sang 'How Will I Know'.

Joe sang 'Where do Broken Hearts Go?' YAWN. He is good, but man is he dull. Oh, and he used to be fat.

Rikki and his eyebrows destroyed R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Lloyd murdered 'Bleeding Love'. Cheryl cried it was so bad.

Danyl sang 'I Didn't Know My Own Strength' and Simon congratulated himself on an excellent performance.

Jay-Fro did 'Hurt' by Xtina, as predicted by our very own Miss Lee!

Olly (who is allegedly dating Lucie, rumour fans) sang 'Fool in Love'.

John and Edward wore skin-tight red PVC suits and did a routine to 'Oops I did it Again', complete with bizarre Titanic reference.

Miss Frank were on last and sang 'All The Man I Need.'

In the sing off was a SOBBING Rachel and Eyebrow boy. It was... Awkward. Rachel sang 'With or Without You' and Rikki sang 'Flying Without Wings'. Zzzz. Eventually, Rikki was kicked out. Woo hoo! No more throat infections! No more eyebrows! No more stupid hats! So it's goodbye to the lovely Indie too.


Marts - John & Edward
Neil - Jamie Afro
Hans - Joe
Mark - Lloyd
Zoƫ - Lucie
Natalie - Stacey
Phil - Rachel
Matt - Danyl
Rona - Olly
Leelingman - Miss Frank

Talk is that Cheryl's gone off the boil this year. I think this year's contestants are pretty dull. Next week I predict that Rachel will be out of there. Sorry Phil!

Signing off,

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