Monday, 16 November 2009

X Factor Week Six (sponsored by Calvin Harris)

Hi X-Types!

This week was Queen week, who incidentally have a Greatest Hits Album out this week. They advertised it in the ad breaks – WHAT A COINCIDENCE. Also, Calvin Harris stormed the stage with a pineapple and got called an idiot by Simon. Cowell is badly mistaken – Harris is a genius, Si’s just jealous he didn’t think of it first.

It being Queen week meant that Brian May and Roger Taylor were on hand to stand by a piano and nod at each contestant individually, whilst imparting words of wisdom such as “She seemed nice!” Sadly, not even Simon Cowell’s powers extend to bringing back Freddie Mercury. No, Freddie was left to spin in his grave all evening...

ALSO, Jafro wore a sparkly AC/DC t-shirt to meet Queen (!!) and Lloyd said he’d never heard of them. That alone should have put them in the bottom two! IDIOTS.

Here’s what the boys ‘n’ Stace sang...

Stacey – Who Wants to Live Forever
Joe – Somebody To Love (He was really glad Cheryl put him in the “little brother” zone last week, actually. He didn’t secretly wish flirty little Lloyd dead or ANYTHING)
Danyl – We Are the Champions
Jafro – Radio Ga Ga (every fibre of my being is repelled by this man)
Olly – Don’t Stop Me Now (oh God, I badly love Olly)
Jedward – Under Pressure (actually, Ice Ice Baby – out of time rapping is cool, y’all)

On Sunday we had several treats – Shakira bored us with her next dull-as single whilst wiggling her smokin’ body around, ALL 12 X Factor finalists were on hand to sing “You Are Not Alone” for the Great Ormond Street hospital (Michael Jackson would be so proud - he loved helping kids, touching their... Lives and stuff... Yeah!) and then May-Taylor-X Factites did some of Bohemian Rhapsody. Lloyd presumably didn’t know what the hell was going on. Jafro looked smug.

UNTIL he got put in the bottom two. BEST MOMENT OF 2009 SO FAR! Lloyd was also in the bottom two, probably owing to the fact he cannot sing for toffee. It went to deadlock and Jafro was the least popular (well done Britain, I am proud) so he was out. SEE YOU, YOU EPICALLY ANNOYING IDIOT. This means we bid farewell to Neil as well, who is not an idiot or annoying in the slightest. Sorry for your loss, Neil.

Marts - John & Edward
Hans – Joe
Mark – Lloyd
Natalie – Stacey
Matt – Danyl
Rona – Olly

Next week Mariah’s on. Can’t wait to watch Dermot try to negotiate that one.

Until then, folks, this is Z-Factor signing off...


1 comment:

  1. Ha, I also noticed the smugness of Jafro when Queen were onstage with him- he was so annoying! Glad to see him leave. x