Thursday, 30 April 2009

Facebook Pedantry

I just caught up on FaceCrack (it is not me who is so anal as to time my useage, but rather the director of my company - more on him at a later date...). I spent most of the time inwardly whimpering/screaming at people on there. It is a shame it's so addictive; I am sure I would be a much calmer person if I didn't use it.

Here's my key issue with FaceCrack: spelling. Here's another: grammar. Oh, and one more: punctuation.

I have to sit on my hands (meterphorically, of course) whilst looking at Facebook so I don't spend my hour going around correcting people's mistakes. I am aware people might think, "She needs to get out more." But I think, "Why are you openly advertising that you're a moron?" when I see errors on Facebook. We're all friends on Facebook, aren't we? Does grammar matter? Well yeah, I am your friend, but I am sitting here thinking, "You've gone down in my estimations now I know you can't spell 'definitely'."

Here are some great examples on my news feed:

IDIOT1 reckons nobody does exporting quite like the Columbians. Her new motto is, "if in doubt, go Columbian..."
She almost certainly doesn't mean people from the capital city of South Carolina. And probably not graduates of the prestigious New York university either. And anyway, what exactly could she want to import from Colombia?

wher u find me up in n7 cuz, wit da best highgrade da best lemon cuz, price on da rise so da stress levels up, if u aint talkin money get steppin youngaz.
Sorry, what? I know you from school. A fee-paying, cricket-playing, scholarships-to-Eton-pushing prep school at that.

is learning alot through his dreams lately.
'A lot' is two freakin' words.

is T-1day till Mauritius!
My anger also extends to smug idiots.

Jesus wept.

loves carrot sticks and houmus. :-).
But not such a fan of spelling, apparently.

There are many, many things that irritate me about Facebook. Mostly because it makes everyone misguidedly think they're interesting or funny and it seems to bring out the show offs in people. And the idiocy.

Not at all like blogging then...

Monday, 27 April 2009

Bad Idiots Check List

I'd say I look at people on average about ten times a day and think, "Why?" Now I've moved to London, my incredulity at the human race is only exacerbated. There are over 7million people living in London. I'd say 6.5million of those are what I technically classify as "bad idiots". Here are some examples of Londoners being bad idiots:

  • Standing at the top or bottom of tube station staircases, chatting on their phones. Getting in the way, essentially. A tell-tale sign of a Bad Idiot is someone who gets in the way and remains oblivious to that fact they're pissing everyone else off, no matter how many people furious tut at them.
  • Not keeping right. There are signs everywhere telling everyone on the underground to keep right. They have put railings down the centre of walkways for a reason. Yet some people think their place to be is much more pressing than everyone else's. So what do they do? They walk down the left channel. This forces everyone the Bad Idiot is walking against having to go single file, despite the fact they're following the rules.
  • Pretending to have a chat on the phone whilst a mile underground. Joke's on you, BI.
  • Pull-along suitcases. They are very convenient, and don't get me wrong, I love a wheely suitcase as much as the next harrassed holiday-maker. What I don't like is the idiots on the Piccadilly Line who behave as if they're not pulling a footlong dead-weight behind them. They weave through people, cut people up and leave a river of people behind them shaking their fists and rubbing their shins. BIs don't care - they're off to Tenerife and they're fucked if anyone is going to get in their way.
  • Slopping drinks. Every freakin' where. It's especially annoying as you lean across the bar to key in your PIN, or in a desperate bid to get served next, and you rest your arm in slopped drinks. You don't know what it is. Hopefully water. Yes, it must be water. Surely someone would've wiped it up if it wasn't water. Oh no, my arm smells decidedly hoppy. Great.
Do you have any pet peeves or BI traits you've noticed (disclaimer: comments about blogging about BIs definitely isn't a BI trait)? I'm not really advocating a negative tirade against humanity here. OK I am; rant at will.