X FACTOR: WEEK NINE - SEMI-FINAL SPECIAL

Hi X Factor Lovelies,

Welcome to the penultimate (that means second to last, yeah) X Factor email.

This week was semi-final week and all the stops were pulled out. We had choirs, dry ice and my particular favourite, the fire curtain. Ohhh yeah, now we’re talkin’.

The first round were Michael Jackson songs, because we haven’t heard enough of those this year...
Stacey – The Way You Make Me Feel (I enjoyed it. I love a bit of chair dancing)
Joe – She Out of My Life (He can sing. He is nice. But he is terribly vanilla)
Danyl – Man in the Mirror (Complete with Earth Song-themed VT. Faux pas, Cowell)
Olly – Can You Feel It (My boyfriend informs me I love Olly a little too much. We might have a problem because nothing can stand in the way of Olly and I. Anyway, Olly was amazing even if he did look a little bit like a trophy on his little tower thing.)

Then they had to sing a song to get them to the final. Perhaps I am mistaken, but isn’t this the purpose of the whole competition? Annnyway, here’s what those beautiful pop puppets sang...

Stacey – Somewhere (It was amazing, but it reminded me of my mother who used to sing this to me. Unfortunately for Stacey, my mother is tone-deaf, bless her, so it wasn’t the greatest connation)
Joe – Open Arms (Yeah yeah, he can sing like a good ‘un. He’s going to win. And by this time next year you’ll have forgotten him and wish you’d voted for Olly. Just like JLS last year. Check if I’m wrong)
Danyl – I Have Nothing (Lovely and prophetic)
Olly – We Can Work It Out (Crazy dancing legs. Lovely stuff. Louis said this wasn’t a well-known song, confirming that Louis is actually living on another planet and/or is senile.)

Lady GaGa was also kicking about in a massive bath, displaying a brand of crazy only GaGa can create. Then Janet Jackson came on and sang a medley of hits from the 1990s. Glad to see those Jacksons aren’t rinsing their dead brother for all he’s worth... Dermot was not allowed to speak to Jan-Jan. I think everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

No bottom two this week, and the announcements were mercifully quick. Danyl Sidesmile was kicked out. This was the right decision. Unfortunately, Olly cried A LOT. I’m going to have to have words. No one needs to see snot on a Sunday evening. This means little Matty Bear is out of the running, which is a dreadful shame. Him and his date jumper will be missed. No snot from you either, thanks Matt.

STILL IN THE RUNNING:
Hans – Joe
Natalie – Stacey
Rona – Olly

Until next week, this is Z-Factor signing off...