Monday 27 April 2009

Bad Idiots Check List

I'd say I look at people on average about ten times a day and think, "Why?" Now I've moved to London, my incredulity at the human race is only exacerbated. There are over 7million people living in London. I'd say 6.5million of those are what I technically classify as "bad idiots". Here are some examples of Londoners being bad idiots:

  • Standing at the top or bottom of tube station staircases, chatting on their phones. Getting in the way, essentially. A tell-tale sign of a Bad Idiot is someone who gets in the way and remains oblivious to that fact they're pissing everyone else off, no matter how many people furious tut at them.
  • Not keeping right. There are signs everywhere telling everyone on the underground to keep right. They have put railings down the centre of walkways for a reason. Yet some people think their place to be is much more pressing than everyone else's. So what do they do? They walk down the left channel. This forces everyone the Bad Idiot is walking against having to go single file, despite the fact they're following the rules.
  • Pretending to have a chat on the phone whilst a mile underground. Joke's on you, BI.
  • Pull-along suitcases. They are very convenient, and don't get me wrong, I love a wheely suitcase as much as the next harrassed holiday-maker. What I don't like is the idiots on the Piccadilly Line who behave as if they're not pulling a footlong dead-weight behind them. They weave through people, cut people up and leave a river of people behind them shaking their fists and rubbing their shins. BIs don't care - they're off to Tenerife and they're fucked if anyone is going to get in their way.
  • Slopping drinks. Every freakin' where. It's especially annoying as you lean across the bar to key in your PIN, or in a desperate bid to get served next, and you rest your arm in slopped drinks. You don't know what it is. Hopefully water. Yes, it must be water. Surely someone would've wiped it up if it wasn't water. Oh no, my arm smells decidedly hoppy. Great.
Do you have any pet peeves or BI traits you've noticed (disclaimer: comments about blogging about BIs definitely isn't a BI trait)? I'm not really advocating a negative tirade against humanity here. OK I am; rant at will.

6 comments:

  1. One of my London pet peeves is definately the one you mentioned about people pulling across their suitcases. The ones that really annoy me are the people who seem to forget that they have a pull a long suitcase and just act totally oblivious! I've nearly tripped over one many a time!

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  2. Many of these are the same in Leeds, but on a less extreme scale, I'm sure. The number of people fannying about at rush hour - standing at the bottom of the escalators / stairs, standing on the wrong side, generally being in the way. I probably say excuse me on average about five times on my way through the station.

    Rage at Bad Idiots.

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  3. First, second and fourth I was reading going YEAH OH MY GODSDDKSD and getting mad. I tripped over a wheelie suitcase on Friday and got DEAD MAD.

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  4. 1) People on trains/tubes who won't stand in the ailse meaning no one else can get on. When will they realise it's actually much more pleasant standing where there's air instead of armpits?!

    2) People who stand right by the train doors when it's at a station and they're not getting off - get out of the way already.

    2b) Same goes for the people waiting on the platform. I can't get off and let you on if you're taking up the whole space outside the door!

    3) People (admittedly usually women) who keep their massive bags on their shoulder/back when on the train - rude.

    4) People behind you who insist on shoving their ticket into the barrier before your Oyster card has even had a chance to register. If I walk through on your ticket, you're screwed, buddy!

    5) People who have been sitting down on the train when others are standing, but will then push their way out to get off first.

    I think I'm done for now! Thanks ;)

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  5. People living in exotic places like Tahiti or Venice and complain about how terrible their life has turned out. Hey, what are they complaining about? At least they got to go to Tahiti or Venice while I'm stuck in Irving, Texas.

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  6. When my wife gets homearound 430 I tell her to go take a bath and stay in the tube till Icome in. She led the way hoping the kids would be so engrossed they wouldntnotice, but they noticed when John put his hand on her ass and kept itthere, squeezing like he owned it and lifting the back of her skirt past theskewed panties before they passed from view.
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    When my wife gets homearound 430 I tell her to go take a bath and stay in the tube till Icome in. She led the way hoping the kids would be so engrossed they wouldntnotice, but they noticed when John put his hand on her ass and kept itthere, squeezing like he owned it and lifting the back of her skirt past theskewed panties before they passed from view.

    ReplyDelete